The complete collection of Nigel facts

Yes, yes, I know this fad is over. I don’t care.

(Note: I did not write any of these. They are either adapted from existing facts about other, lesser beings, or copied outright from other posters.)

• Nigel’s charm is so contagious, vaccines have been created for it.
• Nigel never says something tastes like chicken. Not even chicken.
• Nigel’s personality is so magnetic, he is unable to carry credit cards.
• Nigel’s organ donation card also lists his beard.
• Nigel is the only man to ever ace a Rorschach test.
• If Nigel were to give you directions, you would never get lost, and you would arrive at least 5 minutes early. And along the way, you would find a $100 bill that someone dropped.
• Nigel once had an awkward moment, just to see how it felt.
• Nigel lives vicariously through himself.
• People hang on Nigel’s every word… even the prepositions.
• Nigel’s beard alone has experienced more than a lesser man’s entire body.
• Nigel’s a lover, not a fighter… but he’s also a fighter, so don’t get any ideas.
• Even his enemies list him as their emergency contact number.
• Nigel can disarm you with his looks… or his hands.
• Nigel can speak French… in Russian.

• Baskin-Robbins only has 31 flavours of ice cream because Nigel doesn’t like any other flavours.
• Nigel is never late. If it looks like he is going to be late, time itself slows down.
• Nigel doesn’t have to change his clocks for Daylight Savings Time - the sun rises and sets when Nigel tells it to.
• Nigel does not use spell-check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford simply changes the official spelling of it.
• When Nigel plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
• The most honourable way of dying is taking a bullet for Nigel. This amuses Nigel because he is bulletproof.
• Nigel doesn’t have a bank account. He just tells the bank how much he needs.
• When Nigel calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn’t get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
• Nigel CAN believe it’s not butter.
• Superman may wear Chuck Norris Pyjamas and Chuck Norris may wear Jack Bauer Pyjamas, but they ALL wear Nigel Underpants.
• Nigel doesn’t shake hands and kiss babies. He kisses hands and turns babies into SUPER HUMAN SUPERHEROES.