Arseclown of the Week: Louisa Hearn

There are several things that give me the irrits, mostly little things such as Ed Hardy clothes or leggings as pants. There are a few things that get me irascible or grumpy; people standing on escalators blocking me from walking up; bad cover versions of classic songs that I like. Finally, there are some things that get me into a blind, seething, ranting rage; ABBA songs; honking at people in cars giving way to pedestrians; Right-Wing Religious Fundamentalists using their twisted moral compasses to impose a restriction on my civil liberties or as an excuse to discriminate and restrict another groups freedoms.

Adjacent to that is neo-Luddite know-nuffin Technophobes that occasionally rear their heads from their Newspapers and come up with some Arseclownery such as the following article copypasted and attributed to Louisa Hearn On August 13, 2010: Digital drug peddlers target teens with iDoses. “Spaced-out adolescents in headphones litter YouTube, some panting and others wincing as they listen to droning, pulsating soundtracks known as iDoses. They have fallen victim to an insidious new digital drug culture that preys on vulnerable young teens with money to burn. With nothing but an mp3 player and an internet account they can legally download 'binaural' audio downloads that claim to deliver a “high” that can mimic drugs like LSD and Crystal Meth.”

Oh noes! The interwebz googletubes is coming for your children and will be injecting them with MP3’s! Fucking Bullcrap! While I don’t deny the science of Auditory Disorientation, it really can’t send you into an altered state of consciousness reminiscent of a drug-induced stupor. Music can and does have an effect on people. Songs can make you happy or sad. There are songs that make you wanna get up and dance. ABBA songs make me violent and nauseous. Musicians and Audio Engineers have been using the concept for ages now. George Martin and the Beatles’ early experiments with stereo placed the drums and bass on the left channel and guitars and backing vocals on the right with the vocals in the middle. Phillip Glass, Sonic Youth and lame-arsed New Age ambient fuck-knuckles have made careers out of it.

This article is nothing but a load of steaming crap. It’s copypasted from a news report from Oklahoma or Ohio or somewhere in America that was ridiculed from July 20 in Geekologie. The story is a beat up lie-filled piece of conjecture and fabrication based on the premise that if you scare the parents enough they will buy the products you advertise.

Seriously, WTF? Kids listening to music will get stoned? Wouldn’t it be easier and cheaper, to get stoned and listen to music? At $199 a hit what’s the fucking point? And that’s assuming that it works the way it’s claimed to work –AND IT DOESN”T. The brain detects 2 different frequencies, and is disoriented because the bones in the ears that control balance are vibrating differently giving the sensation of spinning or tumbling. It may hurt or feel weird but you are not going to get high. Ever.

Next Arseclown of the Week, Louisa Hearn rambles on like this: “National and NSW education officials say they have not yet seen any reports of school children downloading “digital drugs” in Australia, but drug abuse experts say it is only a matter of time before the craze catches on here.” It’s only a matter of time before someone reads about it in a fucking major newspaper!!!! If it’s a problem, keep it quiet, you idiot.

So, either it’s not a problem worth worrying about, or you actually don’t care what happens to the kids who find out about this. Bitch. Then she goes on and says this: “Historically the droning binaural beats based on alpha and delta waves have been used to support some meditation and relaxation activities - but the scientific consensus seems to be that they simply impact your mood in the same way relaxing music might.” So it’s fucking Easy listening, New Age Ambient shit like Yanni and Vangelis and Mike Oldfield we should outlaw then, is it? God, she’s so fucking stupid.

She then dribbles on about it having absolutely no effect on anyone and quotes a couple of scientists to prove it. Hang on. She admits it’s bullshit, has proof it’s bullshit, has a link to a Washington Post article deriding it as bullshit, and yet feels the need to write an hysterical article warning people of the dangers of it. Make up your small pathetic little mind, will you.

She then decides to finish her story with this quote: "Music has been used in that way as well – there were all those claims about rock 'n roll in [the] 1950s (sic) and there is an element of that fear about the new sounds around today”. Hooray. She’s linking herself with the KKK and other Arseclown that burnt Elvis records in the 50’s because it was the “Devil’s Music” or it could make a white person and black person want to mingle. Arseclown. Let’s scare the parents into thinking that whenever they see their kids with headphones on, that they’re trying to get stoned. Great. That will help, won’t it? I’m surprised that Ms. Hearn didn’t link this with a need for an Internet filter to stop the kiddies from getting access to the dangerous sounds.

This is your typical knee-jerk moral panic from old fashioned, obsolete knobwits with no concept of what’s going on in the real world. I for one, would like to see more teenagers lying down, putting on their headphones and relaxing for a few minutes. Wouldn’t that be nice for a change.

Here’s a link to the iDose website.